Sexual images are pervasive in our society. Individuals are conditioned to worry obsessively about their sex lives: if one is getting enough sex, if it's good enough, if one is normal in one's erotic pursuits. When people think of sex addiction, the image of a man masturbating to porn or seeking out prostitutes or secret affairs comes to mind. Women, however, can also have sexual addictions that can affect their self esteem, prevent them from succeeding at work or relationships, and lead to detrimental outcomes.
Signs
The signs of sexual addiction are usually cumulative. The woman may at first think that she's enjoying a varied sex life with a range of men, or that it's positively feeding her self esteem. Over time though, the patterns of sex addiction assert themselves. Often, by this point, it's a difficult challenge to stop these well-worn sexual habits. Addictions are all repetitive, they worsen over the course of years, they make one feel out of control, they are used as a cover for something else one is not dealing with in one's life and they destroy what one cares about.
If the woman keeps engaging in sex with strangers, has dangerous affairs, can only feel pleasure through sadomasochistic acts and usually feel depressed or melancholic “the morning after,” these are all key signs that she has a sex addiction. Further, if her sexual habits could give her a disease, be a source of violence in others or lead to the dissolution of marital or parenting arrangements, and she continues to persist in such activities regardless, then her addiction is even more serious.
Causes
Many sexual addictions in women are caused by sexual abuse suffered as a child or adolescent. In such cases, the woman's self esteem is degraded and she's turned into a sexual object. Sometimes, as adults, sexually abused women will become sexual addicts because they think, in this way, they can equally use men for sexual purposes, or because they've lost all healthy forms of sexual feeling.Women often feel that they are only valued for their bodies. They can use sex to get love and attention.
The more men they have sex with the more they perceive themselves as worthy. Sexual gratification is usually bound up with a source of power, however ephemeral or illusory. For women, the power, whether it be emotional, psychological or financial, that they obtain through their sex addiction, is often a way of compensating for an early dearth of support systems and a positive self esteem.
Treatments
Women who sense that they are struggling with a sexual addiction should seek a qualified counsellor. There are counsellors who deal specifically with sexual issues. These therapists usually require their clients to abstain for an initial period of six weeks, including masturbation. Sex addiction is harder to treat than addiction to alcohol or drugs, because the client will likely be having sex in the future.
The counsellor must reorient their client's relationship to their past, their sources of stress, and their current situation. Sexual abuse or emotional neglect is often unearthed in the female client's past as an impetus for sexual addiction. Talking through these memories and analyzing motivations is part of healing. Some regions offer 12 step sexual addiction programs. The primary aim is to enable the woman suffering from sexual addiction to begin to love herself as a whole person and redirect her sexual desires to positive ends.
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