The modern world produces many forms of anxiety. Women are conditioned to multitask, an ability that enables them to perform a range of functions, but one that also leads them to generally be more anxious than men. Worrying is a habit. Worriers feel anxiety about almost everything, from the way they look, to how clean their house is, to whether they're performing well at work, to their sexual prowess. They even worry about things that are not likely to happen at all or at least for a very long time, such as injury, affairs, old age or death.
Having sex is much more pleasurable when one is relaxed and focused on one's desire and its culmination. For worrying women, this goal is a challenging if not an impossible one. While orgasm may be more achievable in the early stages of a relationship, when feelings of love drive out anxiety, over time, worries usually creep back in, preventing pleasurable sex. Relaxation is vital if one wants to attain an orgasm, along with an ability to focus on one's aims, outside of the mind's turmoil of mostly pointless worries.
Why is Relaxation and Focus So Vital to Sexual Enjoyment for Women?
Women's bodies are not like men's. While men for the most part can easily enter the sexual act, sustain visualizations necessary to pleasure and orgasm readily, even if distracted during intercourse, many women need to trust their partners, be open to sensation, be touched in intimate ways and maintain consistent arousal in order to orgasm.
If a woman is not relaxed in her mind, but is thinking of a million other things, from whether she's too fat to the fact that the laundry needs to be done, the child is going to start crying and the presentation for work isn't ready, then she won't be able to achieve pleasure. Further, if she can't let go of this sense of "splitting" and fragmentation in her psyche, she won't be able to focus and concentrate on images and sensations conducive to her ability to attain climax.
How Can a Worrying Woman Attain the Necessary Relaxation and Focus during Sex?
First, it helps if one is with a long term partner. It's easier to tell someone that one trusts and is deeply familiar with what turns one on. It's also easier to "let go" with that person. One's sexual partner should be sensitive to what is arousing and to what is threatening or unpleasurable. Touching a woman's whole body, not just her genitals, for instance, stroking her hair, neck or feet can encourage relaxation and enable the woman to enter a state in which she can "float." When the body is enabled to enjoy this floating state, it is more likely to receive pleasure and attain orgasm.
Further, for worrying women, even when they are relaxed, focusing on achieving orgasm can still be a challenge. They may appreciate the total body pleasure, but be prevented from sustaining their attention on images or feelings that enable their climax. Women who experience this kind of anxiety need to increase their level of self discipline. Whenever their minds wander into "worry land," they must yank their psyches back to their desire. If they do not, their pleasure will dwindle and will have to be increased again from the beginning. This process can be tiresome and frustrating. The worrying woman needs to tell herself she is worthy of sexual pleasure and allow herself to focus totally on the erotic experience she is having.
Over time, anxieties will diminish and worries will lessen. Sex then becomes less of a chore and more an act to be desired, one that relaxes and absorbs, not one that merely provides another source of things to fret about.
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